i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize