Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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