there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
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There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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