look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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