my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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