were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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