You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hippo gnu deer
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
