When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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