Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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