"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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