NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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