dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
