who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
