finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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