It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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