Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
