So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
