She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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