Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
