this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
