he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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