I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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