it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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