The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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