ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
