So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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