She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
