I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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