if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
