Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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