12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im holly from the hills drunk
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woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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