just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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