I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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