Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Welp...herpes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
