I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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