he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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