Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
