ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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