I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
