DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
