if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
