i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
And then he peed in my hair
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