I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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