I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
