He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
