I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
