I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
