We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
