We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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