Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
