Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
