Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
