I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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