Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
