worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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