I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
