He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
