this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
