I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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