Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
