TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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