please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
