He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you would pick up someone in the library
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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