We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
