Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
