I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
