oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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