Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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