dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
